Is That Smoke I Smell?

When I’m so angry I want to cry, I wonder… is something else going on here?

When people are so angry that they lash out at people they don’t even know… could something else be in play emotionally?

C.S. Lewis wrote, “I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.”

Our busy lives often do not allow time for processing grief. Sometimes, unrecognized grief, stuffed inside, becomes anger that eventually erupts, like a volcano, due to the unreleased pressure.

When we wonder, “Ouch, where did that come from?!” – from within ourselves or someone else, it is possible that we or the other person had reached the ceiling of their threshold for internalized grief that, once released, became verbal, emotional or physical anger. It greatly helps to go to prayer, to go to the Lord, asking for guidance and revelation in this area.

If we are having trouble forgiving a previous friend for something said or done, maybe we haven’t considered accepting that grief exists when relationships are dishonored and what was enjoyable in the past is enjoyable no more. It is a loss. Pray about it. Ask God if grief is involved.

Being disrespected (lied to, treated unfairly, being neglected or overlooked for ex.) creates a loss of trust and relationship.

Anger is not wrong, but it can lead to sin (anger that hurts self and/or others) if not tended to.

 “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph 4:26-27).

Grief is a natural, God-given, emotional response to loss. It is not bad or shameful. We must learn to acknowledge it, examine it, recognize the loss involved, and say good-bye to that which we had previously valued.

Like when something is in the oven too long, it stinks, smoke begins to fill the room. We must open the oven door, let the smoke out, open the windows and air out the entire room before the smoke alarm will stop blaring!

Yes, there are other reasons for anger management issues, but it is helpful to ask ourselves, could undealt-with grief be involved in our anger that seems to prowl just below the surface?  

Lord, our emotions are complex, our lives busy, and often we lack the time and motivation to deal with issues below the surface. Help us to lead healthy lives emotionally, physically and spiritually. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.